The douchebag voice in your head

I don’t have a voice, or voices in my head like people with schizophrenia, but there is a different part in my brain that “tells me” things.

Photo by Kat Jayne

I talked about this in an earlier post here on the blog, and I also mentioned this today in the AA meeting. There was a reading today and some people, in their share, talked about loving yourself. You gotta love yourself.

This reminded me, so I told them that this was the case with me — I keep telling myself, sometimes even whilst looking in the mirror, “You’re an idiot! What are you doing?”, or things like “Why did you do that? You’re such a moron!”

And after I said this, others said that this was something they used to do, too. One of them said that they were teaching back in the day and that they often did this then. They kind of mumbled to themselves saying “You’re an idiot!”, which prompted their pupils to ask who they were talking to. They said “I’m talking to myself, I said that to myself.” To which the pupils replied “You don’t talk like that to us, why do you talk to yourself like that?”

Good point.

I have, at times, caught myself saying these things to myself, and called myself out on it. But the next time it happens, I’m just gonna tell the voice to

“Shut the fuck up!”

I gotta, and I’m gonna start loving myself. If I don’t, how do I expect others to love me? Also, as somebody else at the meeting said, you gotta love yourself, for you’re the person you gotta spend most of your life with.

I gotta shut these thoughts up.

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Decompression Chamber

Decompression Chamber

This is my De(com)pression Chamber, a vehicle I use to (com)municate my thoughts to decompress as I, hopefully, emerge from the depths of depression.