Decompression Chamber

Dec 12, 2020

2 min read

Do you have a sixth sense?

They say women do. Does my ex, too? She is a woman, so, I mean, why wouldn’t she? But now that I’m focusing on my date with the foreign girl off Bumble — which is in 4 hours — just earlier this morning, my ex actually hit like on one of my tweets from yesterday.

Photo by Gantas Vaičiulénas

I don’t know if she’s playing mind games with me and this is part of it, or if she genuinely just wants my attention. I have come to the conclusion that I don’t really know her well enough to know if she’s the type who has a hard time expressing what she wants and deep down inside she, despite acting like she’s trying to push me away, does want me to push through all this and go for her…

I don’t know if my indecisiveness can be attributed to depression, but even if not, I am pretty sure that depression and the thoughts it puts in my head definitely make it worse.

I have always had commitment issues. I can never fully commit to anything — committing to anything makes my brain go “Dude, you do know that if you do this, then it’s THIS from here on out, right? It’s this, you can’t have things two ways, you DO know that, right?” To which, then I go, fuck, true, I’m not a 100% sure about this…

But if I end up committing to something, then it’s pedal-to-the-metal. See my ex. She still has a hold over me. And I can’t just say “Fuck her, turn 100% of your focus on the new girl now!” And were I able to commit to the new girl, I would have an easier time finally getting over my ex for good…

Depression, Anxiety! You two are fucking dicks!